My life has been incomplete from day one. I was robbed of a normal childhood and over time I just didn't know what I wanted anymore, I was too busy trying to do what everybody else wanted.
Now I am trying to live for myself, and finally the days are in the process of coming to pass where I will potentially get a new life with a new beginning and new opportunities - opportunities that currently exist because over the last two years I started pursuing not what everybody else wanted for me and not even necessarily what I wanted for me, but simply what I knew I needed. This was the most important thing in my life to me over anything and everything and everyone else - but I knew it was right and I knew I was right in pursuing this dream. My life has been turmoil and my past has flooded me with doubts and regret even when I knew for a fact waaaay in the back of my mind that what I was doing was right.
My life has changed dramatically this year. It has been bad - by far the worse I've ever had to endure, even in comparison to all of the worst things that have happened to me before this year, but I say that not only due to how I have suffered - but also how much worse it could have been. It could have ended me completely and utterly. Had I never known the cause - everything would have been lost by now. I cannot express how grateful I am not only to have been lead to Leah almost half a year ago but simply due to the way she has almost single - handedly saved my life, in more ways than one. None of this would be possible without her.
NOW I am starting to accept my past and move on, NOW I am starting to understand existence on a greater level, NOW I am learning to completely be myself instead of what everybody else wants - only now, I am beginning to understand that I have true value. Even when my dad would tell me this it was always blurred by the fights and judgments - but dad couldn't see all and Leah can. Leah knows and understands me in every way, and she knows why I do certain things and forgives me even when I do something the wrong way. She is teaching me to value myself the same way that my loved ones value me. I appreciate it. I have never cared about my health before or whether I was alive or dead - but now for the first time in my life I do, and although there are only few, I am loved by who I believe are genuinely some of the greatest people on this earth today, which is more than I could have ever expected. I believe now, that my life and my existence and my life matters. I believe that those I love care about me and love me the exact same way. I am eternally grateful. I feel like I am finally slowly finding my way to inner - peace. I truly never thought this day would come.